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a side note from "stroke speak" for today - yesterday at 3:39 in the afternoon, hubbie and I left our middle child - the red-headed beachgirl at mini-camp for two nights and three days! To many, this may not mean a whole lot, but when I think about the road of shyness that child has traveled to get to this point, it is still stunning to me that she is there!
Beachgirl dropped out of 2 & 3 year old pre-school (2 hours of fun a day) within the first week both years because she could not be separated from her mother. She never ever spoke to anyone outside of the family, she was so painfully shy she started crying as soon as we got in the car to go anywhere, even the playground. Yes, this drove me crazy, and I lost lots and lots of sleep thinking she would be socially backward for the rest of her life. She came around a bit when school started and loved going to Kindergarten and so on, but she still was extremely hesitant about doing anything new.
When her older brother started going to camp, she expressed no interest at all, and let us know that there was "no way" she was going to sleep away EVER - again, a tidbit that caused me much grief. Life started changing in small baby steps when she turned 7 and she went on her first sleep over birthday party. She didn't last all night, but she did make it until 10:00 when she got tired, found a phone and called us to come home to go to bed.
I am sure she just hit a new level of "readyness" when she started swimming, but I fully credit swimming with breaking beachgirl out of her shell! I laughed when I realized that the child was going to have to dive off the blocks ... she would never put herself out there like that for people to watch her (or so I thought)! No problem though, the first meet she just jumped right up on the blocks, dove off, was disqualified in the race, laughed, and that was the absolute end of the shy, demure, quiet little girl with whom we were so familiar.
And now she is at sleep-a-way camp! What a transformation!!!!!!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
living in a small community
When hubbie and I moved back to my hometown 8 years ago, I knew that I wanted to raise our kids in a community where I was comfortable and where I knew the "majors" - doctors, babysitters, preschools & schools, dentists, etc. The last two weeks have been an unbelievable reminder of the love and support that you can find in a small town (or three small towns to be more specific!)
The cards, flowers, best wishes, offers to take the kids, meals dropped off, you name it, are still flowing in, and I have no doubt God is absolutely tired to hearing all of the pleas, requests, begging and anguish from friends and family to protect me and out family. The outpouring of love and concern has been nothing short of amazing ... what a wonderful community we live in.
The cards, flowers, best wishes, offers to take the kids, meals dropped off, you name it, are still flowing in, and I have no doubt God is absolutely tired to hearing all of the pleas, requests, begging and anguish from friends and family to protect me and out family. The outpouring of love and concern has been nothing short of amazing ... what a wonderful community we live in.
Monday, June 23, 2008
a bizarre side-effect
"Googling" Brain Stem Stroke is an eye opening experience! Certainly a reminder that someone was looking out for me through this fiasco, and letting me know that I had better get my life in order since He gave me a "warning" but the opportunity to make good on my issues! I am scared half to death that if I don't take care of myself this could happen again and next time I could not survive, not regain consciousness, or need constant care. WHOA, I have three kids to raise and a wonderful husband who loves me (yes, all of this was a huge reminder to the two of us just how important we are to one another!)
On a lighter note, though, the most bizarre after-effect is this temperature "thing". The right side of my body cannot sense temperature at all. When I am put in a warm bath, the left side of my body feels the wonderful warm water as it surrounds me. The right side, feels the water and I can feel all sensations of things touching my skin, but I cannot feel the temperature AT ALL! Interestingly enough, if I put my right hand under hot water, the nerves must still sense the heat because my hand jerks out of the water, but it kind of does that by itself - really a strange sensation!
On a lighter note, though, the most bizarre after-effect is this temperature "thing". The right side of my body cannot sense temperature at all. When I am put in a warm bath, the left side of my body feels the wonderful warm water as it surrounds me. The right side, feels the water and I can feel all sensations of things touching my skin, but I cannot feel the temperature AT ALL! Interestingly enough, if I put my right hand under hot water, the nerves must still sense the heat because my hand jerks out of the water, but it kind of does that by itself - really a strange sensation!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
broken ... but blessed
Hi blogging world, I am back ... and BACK WITH A VENGEANCE!!!
Two weeks ago, this 38 year old mother of three was given the opportunity to re-examine my life, my priorities, my family, my decisions and my God. On Tuesday June 10th, the day before the last day of school, I was sitting at the YMCA playing tic-tac-toe with a really great friend of our daughters, his mom came in the door behind me, and I turned my head to say hello to her.
"Hi ___________, (I don't remember what I was about to say to her) OMG, I feel sooooo dizzy" She told me to put my head down, and I started throwing up and sweating as I had never sweated before, and passed out. This cycle repeated itself 5 times, the ambulance came and took me to the hospital. Whenever I opened my eyes, the world was on a 90 degree angle and the nausea just came in waves and waves and waves.
The hospital staff was certain I had vertigo and tried to make me comfortable until the spell passed. I remember everything very clearly, and I remember not being able to keep down any medications for the nausea, and I always knew the throwing up was coming because the sweating would start and I would once again be soaked.
While the hospital doctors were ready to send me home, my blessed husband would have no parts of that whatsoever! My blood pressure was sky high, and he let everyone know that there was no way I could "get" home in this condition, and they had to come up with a reason for the blood pressure being out of control. I was admitted to the hospital at about 3am Wednesday morning ... and spent the entire next day dizzy, throwing up, sleeping, throwing up, eating bites of jello, throwing it up, sleeping ... you get the picture.
Late Wednesday afternoon, the hospital doctor (my doctor was volunteering in China at the time) did a couple of tests to prove that "all I had" was vertigo and it was time for me to go home. THANK GOODNESS, my mom was in the room at the time, because I was so sick after he was done with the "dizzy tests" that without my advocate, he probably would have sent me home. He felt that he had proven the vertigo issue, until Mom asked him to explain why I had passed out and why my blood pressure was so high. Apparently he had not seen the portion of my file regarding what happened at the Y. After a few minutes, he decided to keep me in the hospital and went ahead and ordered the MRI that the neurologist had recommended if I didn't get any better.
Early Thursday morning, I woke and realized that the nausea was gone! It was such a strange sensation to realize that I no longer felt like throwing up. I was getting better ... my head was still spinning like never before and my blood pressure was sky high, but I didn't want to throw up anymore!!!
My excitement with the prospect of eating was short lived as the neurologist came in my room around 7:30 to let me know that something showed up on my MRI, and with my permission, he wanted to transfer me to the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore ... to the Stroke Center.
At this point, my blood pressure was 210/180 ... and I was warned not to move my head too drastically in either direction (thinking about the "dizzy tests" the night before still causes me to sweat), and by noon the helicopter was on its way to take me to Baltimore. The father of one of beachdude's preschool classmates just happened to be the pilot of the flight - and I was completely at ease in his hands.
Once in Baltimore, I was treated like a queen in my bed as I was not allowed to go to x-ray, mri's or ct scans in a boring old wheelchair or on a gurney, I was not allowed to leave my bed, so they wheeled me around the hospital in my lounging bed. Boy, it made all of the technicians mad, but I was able to just keep sleeping and resting while they figured out what was going on.
I was honestly on an episode of "House"! Within an hour or two, the first group of residents showed up - Chase (the blond student who thought he had to be soooooo serious), Vera, the sweet neuro resident who carried 5 million tools in the 2 pockets of her white jacket and could never find the exact one that she wanted, and Dr. Z who was the chief resident and listened, and kept watching my eyes, and often schrunched up her nose at one of my answers who answered every one of our questions with "I am sorry, but until I look at all of the test results and your file AND talk to the neurologist I don't know anything".
Later that night, the group of doctors tripled as they squeezed into my tiny little room. This time, the neurologist was with them, and she let me know that I had a dissection in the left cerebral artery which caused a brain stem stroke. HUUUUHHHHH? Now, I must admit to reading romance, chick lit and medical mystery novels ... and the words "brain stem stroke" were almost laughable because in my books, I wouldn't be sitting here listening to you doctors telling me that I had a brain stem stroke. It really freaked me out ... how could this have happened to me? And no one had any ideas, nor was there anything other than observing me they were going to do. Surgery was really not the optimal solution because of the location of the dissection, plus the dissection appeared to have closed, and the symptoms were slowly easing. And, I was released.
SOOOOO, now I am back home, and a week later I am doing beautifully! I am still dizzy, however, not at all like in the beginning, just a wicked lean to the left, but I am getting more and more stable on my feet every day. I started physical therapy on Tuesday, and can already achieve many of the balance tests which I couldn't do when I first started. My doctor started me on blood pressure medication (beta-blocker) on Tuesday as well, and after 3 days on meds it is back to normal. Hopefully in another week, I will be able to back off the meds and the pressure will stabilize itself.
The hardest part is not being to be active like I am used to being ... and I am getting really bummed about that. I want to be back to normal now and while I am certainly grateful for the recovery that I have made so far, I want to get up in the morning, go all day, sleep at night and get up the next day and do it all over again.
Two weeks ago, this 38 year old mother of three was given the opportunity to re-examine my life, my priorities, my family, my decisions and my God. On Tuesday June 10th, the day before the last day of school, I was sitting at the YMCA playing tic-tac-toe with a really great friend of our daughters, his mom came in the door behind me, and I turned my head to say hello to her.
"Hi ___________, (I don't remember what I was about to say to her) OMG, I feel sooooo dizzy" She told me to put my head down, and I started throwing up and sweating as I had never sweated before, and passed out. This cycle repeated itself 5 times, the ambulance came and took me to the hospital. Whenever I opened my eyes, the world was on a 90 degree angle and the nausea just came in waves and waves and waves.
The hospital staff was certain I had vertigo and tried to make me comfortable until the spell passed. I remember everything very clearly, and I remember not being able to keep down any medications for the nausea, and I always knew the throwing up was coming because the sweating would start and I would once again be soaked.
While the hospital doctors were ready to send me home, my blessed husband would have no parts of that whatsoever! My blood pressure was sky high, and he let everyone know that there was no way I could "get" home in this condition, and they had to come up with a reason for the blood pressure being out of control. I was admitted to the hospital at about 3am Wednesday morning ... and spent the entire next day dizzy, throwing up, sleeping, throwing up, eating bites of jello, throwing it up, sleeping ... you get the picture.
Late Wednesday afternoon, the hospital doctor (my doctor was volunteering in China at the time) did a couple of tests to prove that "all I had" was vertigo and it was time for me to go home. THANK GOODNESS, my mom was in the room at the time, because I was so sick after he was done with the "dizzy tests" that without my advocate, he probably would have sent me home. He felt that he had proven the vertigo issue, until Mom asked him to explain why I had passed out and why my blood pressure was so high. Apparently he had not seen the portion of my file regarding what happened at the Y. After a few minutes, he decided to keep me in the hospital and went ahead and ordered the MRI that the neurologist had recommended if I didn't get any better.
Early Thursday morning, I woke and realized that the nausea was gone! It was such a strange sensation to realize that I no longer felt like throwing up. I was getting better ... my head was still spinning like never before and my blood pressure was sky high, but I didn't want to throw up anymore!!!
My excitement with the prospect of eating was short lived as the neurologist came in my room around 7:30 to let me know that something showed up on my MRI, and with my permission, he wanted to transfer me to the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore ... to the Stroke Center.
At this point, my blood pressure was 210/180 ... and I was warned not to move my head too drastically in either direction (thinking about the "dizzy tests" the night before still causes me to sweat), and by noon the helicopter was on its way to take me to Baltimore. The father of one of beachdude's preschool classmates just happened to be the pilot of the flight - and I was completely at ease in his hands.
Once in Baltimore, I was treated like a queen in my bed as I was not allowed to go to x-ray, mri's or ct scans in a boring old wheelchair or on a gurney, I was not allowed to leave my bed, so they wheeled me around the hospital in my lounging bed. Boy, it made all of the technicians mad, but I was able to just keep sleeping and resting while they figured out what was going on.
I was honestly on an episode of "House"! Within an hour or two, the first group of residents showed up - Chase (the blond student who thought he had to be soooooo serious), Vera, the sweet neuro resident who carried 5 million tools in the 2 pockets of her white jacket and could never find the exact one that she wanted, and Dr. Z who was the chief resident and listened, and kept watching my eyes, and often schrunched up her nose at one of my answers who answered every one of our questions with "I am sorry, but until I look at all of the test results and your file AND talk to the neurologist I don't know anything".
Later that night, the group of doctors tripled as they squeezed into my tiny little room. This time, the neurologist was with them, and she let me know that I had a dissection in the left cerebral artery which caused a brain stem stroke. HUUUUHHHHH? Now, I must admit to reading romance, chick lit and medical mystery novels ... and the words "brain stem stroke" were almost laughable because in my books, I wouldn't be sitting here listening to you doctors telling me that I had a brain stem stroke. It really freaked me out ... how could this have happened to me? And no one had any ideas, nor was there anything other than observing me they were going to do. Surgery was really not the optimal solution because of the location of the dissection, plus the dissection appeared to have closed, and the symptoms were slowly easing. And, I was released.
SOOOOO, now I am back home, and a week later I am doing beautifully! I am still dizzy, however, not at all like in the beginning, just a wicked lean to the left, but I am getting more and more stable on my feet every day. I started physical therapy on Tuesday, and can already achieve many of the balance tests which I couldn't do when I first started. My doctor started me on blood pressure medication (beta-blocker) on Tuesday as well, and after 3 days on meds it is back to normal. Hopefully in another week, I will be able to back off the meds and the pressure will stabilize itself.
The hardest part is not being to be active like I am used to being ... and I am getting really bummed about that. I want to be back to normal now and while I am certainly grateful for the recovery that I have made so far, I want to get up in the morning, go all day, sleep at night and get up the next day and do it all over again.
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