oops, I've done it again ...

I've moved back to www.beachmom.net to continue the turning 40 saga ... PLEASE follow me there
L

happy monday

beautiful weekend #2 - GO SUMMER!!! After such a "happening" memorial day weekend, this one was much more low-key but still a wonderful one! Last week was just jam-packed with school activities and after-school stuff, and I got way behind on my work here at home. SO, I let hubbie know Friday night that I was going to be chained to my desk on Saturday trying to cross off some of my to-do list! AND it worked, I got a ton of work done in 8 hours and hubbie and the kids kept the laundry moving, installed a screen door, scrubbed the porches and just all around kept themselves busy.

The one major bummer of the weekend, was my "negative nellie" attitude before we went to friend's houses for dinner Saturday when I realized that the kitchen floor didn't get vacuumed and the sink was overloaded with dishes (to be fair, that was because the first load from the night before had been emptied and then hubbie did a load of pots and they hadn't cooled yet) from lunch. INSTEAD of being grateful for all that had gotten done during the day, I pitched a fit that "obviously I am the only one who takes my responsibilties seriously!" HOW AWFUL AM I?!?!! You can imagine the car ride to our friend's house ... but a few margarita's took care of the strife and all is happy again.

There are days I am really an awful person ... but thank goodness he still loves me!!

thinking ...

there are days that I love being a Mom and there are other days that I don't love it quite as much. After a rough couple of days around here, I have come to the realization that when things are not going smoothly I can usually trace the problem to my own 'distraction'. As long as I am focusing on the kids 24/7 and don't let anything else get in the way, smooth sailing. The stresses of everyday life, PTO drama, phone calls, bills, side-projects ... even making a complicated dinner with kids at home can cause major drama in our home.

I don't think I have the skill set to majorly multi-task. I can be a mom OR design a program for a client OR spring clean the house OR send out invoices OR deal with a PTO issue ... you get the point. I know admitting you have a problem is the first step ... but I am honestly not certain how to solve this issue. The various aspects of my life seem to blend together - and they will do so even more when school is over in two weeks. I want the summer to be a great one with lots of cooperation and peace here in the house. Yet ANOTHER project to work on!!

Have a sunny day

i might be losing it ...

OK, this 40 thing might not be going so smoothly after all. I was downstairs making dinner and had a bit of a 'panic attack' about getting ready for Easter. HELLO, EASTER???? Easter was two months ago ... how can I be standing at the sink and suddenly panic about a holiday that is long gone ... and we had another major holiday or two since then!! Might be losing it...

SPRING SPORTS ARE OVER!!!

and this is how I spent the last weekend ... no early morning drives over hill and dale to obscure lacrosse fields with peanut butter sandwiches and gatorade for lunch. I am sad that the lacrosse season is over ... there is nothing I love better than watching the kids on the field ... but I like the freedom of this one week after field sports are over and before swimming starts up again for the summer!!!

procrastination

If a genie were to grant me three wishes, my SECOND wish would be ... take away all of my procrastinating tendencies!!!!!!! I am the WORST PROCRASTINATOR EVER ... and the computer just makes my tendencies even more prounounced. I have been putting off doing a major household project for more than three weeks now, and I am shocked at just how well I can put off doing it. Each and every month, my bill-paying schedule gets later and later ... again, simply because of procrastination. I hate, hate, hate trying to deal with uncomfortable situations, and at the moment paying bills and not having any money left over afterwards is just way too uncomfortable ... so I am avoiding it at all possible costs.

How do you overcome procrastination ... oh, and while we are at it ... how about tips on stopping fingernail biting? Yeah, I am a little immature!!

40's coming ...

a brief update on the weight debacle ...

I am averaging walking 3 days a week (yes, I want it to be 5 ... but at least it is not 0)
my meal portion is reduced
I threw margarine out of the house and now use Smart (something)
I am working really hard at not mindlessly snacking - I have a sit-down snack between meals but try to not just finish the chip bag

I guess the best thing to say is I AM AWARE ... and while I can only claim a 4 pound loss in 2 weeks, again, thank goodness it is a loss as opposed to a gain.

That being said, I have many many issues with myself regarding will-power, taking time to plan my meals, increasing my workouts ... and on an on. But the way I see it, I am only in REAL TROUBLE when I don't know what to change to try to continue to lose.

SO, -4

oops ...

Molly and I obviously touched something we shouldn't have when we were in Washington on Wednesday ... the FLU (no, not the pig flying one, just the painful wishing I could die version) struck on Friday night and I finally got out of bed on Sunday and am actually feeling kind of normal today. Poor Molly suffered all weekend as well and went back to school yesterday but came home and slept for hours.

Fever, aches, pains, sore throat & ears and an awful headache when the fever was up. Having suffered from migraines for so many years, I swear my body is conditioned to upchuck when I have a bad headache - which made keeping painkillers down kind of tough. It was a bit of a catch-22 for a while.

But, on the up-side, we watched some great movies (thank goodness for on-demand), I watched waaaayyyy too much 90210 on Soap Network and basically watched my wonderful family take care of us. Love to all of them!!!

the nation's capital

We had an inservice day on Wednesday. Now, usually I am the boring Mom who doesn't plan much beyond a trip to the local playground and maybe, if the kids are really good, a trip to the local McDonalds on mid-week days off. After a couple of really good weeks, great report cards, and a huge stack of paperwork on my desk that REALLY NEEDS to get done - I decided to treat everyone to a day away from the house. Until the minute we left home, the kids thought I was joking about going away for the day - "Mom, you are just teasing us, that is not nice!!"

We got up at 5am, packed sandwiches, Gatorade and krimpets, hopped in the car and drove 2.25 hours to the closest Washington DC metro stop, hopped on the metro (don't I sound cosmopolitan) and rode 30 minutes to the Smithsonian stop and spent a WONDERFUL day in the Nation's Capital.

First stop on our tour - the American History Museum where it was the kid's job to find the red ruby slippers - since they are on the top floor, it took us 3 hours of learning, reading, exploring and laughing until we finally found them. A quick stop at the gift shop for a harmonica and our "pet tornado, Chaos" and we were on to our next stop. I love this museum, and the renovation is just amazing!! The new flag exhibit brought tears to my eyes and we all "stood" on Route 66 and sang the entire song - everyone thought we were NUTS!

Next stop - walk to the White House so our 6 year old could see the outside. We stood like fools for about 45 minutes because, I swear, it looked like a presidential motorcade was about to leave any minute .. . but it never did.

On to the Natural History Museum. It was about 2:30, and honestly, everyone was getting a little tired ... plus we had just done this museum last year - so we hit the highlights - the new ocean exhibit (WOW), the mammal room - love love love the giraffes and the dinosaurs. Brief detour downstairs for a hit of ice cream and we we off to our final stop of the day.

The New Visitor's Center at the US Capitol. I didn't really think we would make it to our last stop of the day, so I didn't research it properly, and we only had 25 minutes before they closed. But, it is beautiful and so worth it to go back again!! What an amazing (but brief) history lesson for the kids and we had so much fun going back over all of their civics lessons and teaching Thomas all about the three branches of government.

Hopped back on the metro, back in the car by 6 and home by 8:30. It was a truly awesome day!! Pictures to come soon!

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood ...

Feeling really really good today, got everyone out the door with no arguments raised voices or eye rolls! SUCCESS...put on my sneakers ready to go for my walk - and ran back inside because I had forgotten about the honor roll assembly this morning! It must be a beautiful day for me to completely forget about something so important!!

CONGRATULATIONS to my two oldest children who made the 'A' Honor roll again this marking period. Our fourth grader made it by the skin of her teeth, but then again, there were only 3 in her class of 26 who actually made it - it was a tough marking period for all of them. The 5th grader made it with flying colors, but I am still awfully proud of him because it means he managed to stay focused for the whole 9 weeks - which is an achievement in and of itself.

I am loving my kids today - there are just some days my awe of them is overwhelming ... and fortunately today is one of them!! Honestly, getting out the door this morning with everyone laughing and having a great time has more to do with my awe than their grades ... that is just the icing on the cake!

why "questioning"

my husband saw the title of my new blog and asked me why I used the phrase "questioning".

"God willing, you are going to turn 40 ... so what is the point in questioning it"
"Because I couldn't think of another phrase" was my oh-so-pithy answer. But it has been bugging me - I mean, he is right: 40 is coming whether I like it or not, and I am not going to spend too much time whining about getting older ... so why "questioning"?

After a half nights sleep (I don't count moving to the sofa at 3am a full nights sleep) - I think I have my answer - I am questioning who I am going to be at 40 and beyond. Will I be the same, will I be different ... is 40 like a huge New Year's Eve where I make a whole bunch of resolutions to change the person I am right now? Or do I just build on who I am now.

Frankly, deep deep down - when I get past my financial concerns and I get past my weight issues, I LOVE MY LIFE ... I just want to "live it more" or maybe I want to "live it more deliberately". I don't even really know how I want to do that, but I want to challenge all of the things that I don't like - I want to be more active, I want my kids to think I am a "young mom" instead of the matronly mother I think they believe I am now. I want to be able to run on the beach at sunrise without getting overly winded and simply appreciate the beauty that "is". I want my husband to really think I am sexy again (yes, he says he does, but I guess I want to feel it again) ... I want to feel confidence in ALL of the decisions I make about the kids - not just in a few of them. I don't want life to just keep happening to me ... I want to happen to life.

I don't even know whether all of these goals are attainable, or even if I really want all of the ramifications of them ... I just want to finally be the best me I can be - and I have quite a bit of work before I can get there!!

my birthday present to myself ...

ultimately I will lose all of the weight (and then some) that I have gained since being an adult took over my daily existence. for right now, I will, in time for my birthday - JULY 30th - simply lose the sucky weight that went on after I had the stroke in June (approximately 30 pounds). we will keep track of this, report on this, and generally discuss the miraculous weight loss here - sounds fun, doesn't it?!?!

it's coming ...

faster and faster every single day! I am struggling with it ... but I can't stop it! I need a sense of humor ... some serious self-indulgence ... and some laughs to get me through it.