gone

but not forgotten - wow, life is BUSY!!!

finally it is FRIDAY!!

I am so happy it is Friday I could do a little dance ... maybe not, but TGIF!!!!  I am working in the office at the kid's school today and am really looking forward to getting out of the house for the day. The days seem to be dragging lately, but I think that is because of a major procrastination jag I am on.  There is a ton of paperwork that needs to be done, and day after day, I find ways to avoid it.  AVOIDANCE just sucks ... and nothing (I really mean nothing) gets done while more work just keeps piling up.

I am not complaining - this is not an uncommon occurrence in my life, just one that usually takes me a week to overcome about 3 times a year.  Once I beat it this time, the procrastination bug won't get me again for another quarter .. .but it is a bear when I am in the middle of it.  Age has helped me realize that although unproductive, I am working my way through whatever issues need to be dealt with and I will be fine on the other side.  I don't say, I WON'T LET THIS HAPPEN ANYMORE ... because I know that it is ridiculous of me to think I won't fall in this valley again ... it used to take me months to get out, not weeks.  So, accepting and working my way through is the best way to go.

This has turned into a depressing post, but I am not in a sad place ... the kids are still loving school, beachboy has the day off today (I accepted this day of work before I knew his schedule, but he will be super-happy spending the day with a great friend) and the other two are just happy I will be in school with them  The early start time isn't making anyone happy, but it will be a great day!!

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time keeps on slippin'

WOW, it has been over a MONTH since I last posted! Guess there is no chance of getting the "regular poster" award ...

The new school year has started out beautifully - I couldn't ask for a better group of teachers for the kids and all three seem very happy with their schools and their classes. Beachboy started middle school this year and is going to a new school that not many of his classmates are going to. Fortunately, there was a good sized group of boys last year who went to this school so he has plenty of friends and allies who are showing him the ropes. As nervous as he was about the workload, he seems to be handling it right now - we will see how things go when swimming starts.

Beachgirl is the "big girl on campus" this year as she prepares for Middle School next year. Even though we have a fairly small school, she didn't really have any friends in her homeroom this year. I don't believe in asking for (and the principal doesn't believe in agreeing to) her moving out of her homeroom ... but what a joy watching her make new friends and deal with a "Mr. teacher" for the first time. She is having a great time and taking homework very, very seriously (help me!!)

Beachkid is about a head and a half taller than anyone else in his class, but is having a great time ... he is definitely "in his element" and his teacher is just wonderful in dealing with his little personality quirks! She has already given him a little folder of extra work so that he doesn't have much down time - down time is BAD for the little guy!!

We are still waiting, praying, begging, etc. for my job opportunity to come through next month. I can't talk much about it, but if this comes through - things will be so much better financially for us, mentally I might return to sanity (I love being a Mom, but I have been home for WAAAAAYYYY too long), our family life will go through some serious changes - but I will make sure those changes are for the "good"!! Say a prayer for us!!!

dental drama ...

I was a very bad mama and due to some financial "issues" I did not take the kids to the dentist last year.  The guilt was awful and I made a vow that even though our financial situation is not any better, I could not go another 6 months without getting the kids checked out by the dentist.  For the last month one-by-one they all had dentist appointments, and thank goodness, all was GREAT except for one cavity in beachgirl's 6 year old molar.

AND HERE IS THE ISSUE ... when beachgirl was 5 1/2 I spent $200 to have sealants put on those blessed molars.  When she was almost 6 I was told that one of the sealants had come off and it was going to cost another $65 to have another put back on that one tooth.  At the age of 7 1/2 the dentist told me that she had her first cavity (not a feat I was proud of...) and it was UNDER that sealant!  Well, at this appointment they let me know she had ANOTHER CAVITY UNDER THAT SEALANT!!!  I was not happy, but what is one to do?

Yesterday, I took beachkid (now 6) for his checkup and beachgirl for her filling.  $450 later, the hygienist AND the dentist came out to "let me know" that beachkid's 6 year molars are all in and they had time right then to go ahead and put on the sealants for a mere $250 so that I didn't need to schedule and come back another time.  Wasn't that nice of them...to be so considerate of my time?

I laughed and left ... I know eventually I will have to do the sealants, but who are we kidding?  NOT TODAY, the dentist has gotten the only $1000 from me he is getting this month!

I will learn ...

to not let my husband take my camera (yes, the one he bought for me) with the really special lens without making him take a blood oath that he will return it to me WITH THE CARD IN THE CAMERA!!

Here's the story ... I woke the kids up early this morning so that beachboy could go skim boarding before the beach gets crowded. Aside from the insidious flies, it was a beautiful morning ... smooth ocean, beautiful sun reflecting off the beautiful smooth ocean ... the sand was gleaming as the water broke gently along the shore break. Beachboy was skimming skillfully (well as skillfully as he can - he is still learning) and then he took a break to try to teach beachkid just how to get on his board. Precious heads working out the details on the gleaming sand in front of the beautiful smooth ocean reflecting the beautiful sun ... can't you see it?!?

I hope YOU CAN because I tried to get a picture of this wonderful scene ... MY CAMERA DIDN"T HAVE A MEMORY CARD ... it is still in my husband's laptop.

you just never know ...

So many times "life" gets in the way of making sure we actually live our daily existence to the fullest. Finances, overscheduling, weight issues, keeping up with everything that "should" get done ... EVERYTHING seems to demand so much of our time and energy. I stumbled upon a blog the other day that reminded that all of the piddly little things that I do everyday pale in comparison to the "important" things in life ... and that is making sure that the people you love know that you love them.

This story comes from www.priorfatgirl.com .... a blog that I came across through a blog of a blog of a blog that I had been reading while I continue searching for inspiration as I continue to lose 40 pounds since my stroke last June. I loved reading Jen's blog - loved her style, her commitment ... the fact that she had DONE IT ... and the support that she obviously had from so many around her. Two days after I read many many of her posts I logged in to find out that her mother had been suddenly killed in an accident while she was out walking her grandson in his stroller. My heart stopped beating for a minute and my breath wouldn't come.


I know that seems dramatic, but 27 years ago my mother lost her mom (my Mom-mom) in a sudden car accident when SHE was going to pick up her grandson for a weekend at the farm. I finally worked up the nerve this morning to comment on Jen's website just to reach out and let her know that, I don't know, maybe I just wanted to let her know that although the pain is unbearable now, and she doesn't want it to ever be less unbearable, she will survive. There are STILL days, even 27 years later that the pain is so acute for my mother that you would think the accident happened yesterday ... but often during those periods we can all look back and see how Mom-mom was helping us get through something difficult, painful or necessary.

SO, the length of our time here on earth is not promised. Live, love and give ... get the chores done in-between these three most important jobs. My heart, prayers and tears have gone to Jen for the last week and will continue to do so - her pain and sorrow will ebb and flow, but she will always have an angel on her shoulder.

bear with me ...

... while I figure out this new platform!! I have had a self-hosted blog for the last couple of years and have decided to go the hosted (nee FREE) route for the time being. I am getting used to the bells and whistles as well as the limitations and changes ... and while it is not going very well at the moment ... no doubt I WILL figure this out!

My blog is very simply about our little family and the trouble we can get into. I grew up in a small beach resort town and two years after our eldest was born, we returned to that same small beach town to raise our little (but expanding) family. We have been "home" now for 9 years, life has had its ups and downs, but all in all we are a happy little group in a great little area!

Enjoy.

so ... I think we might slow down now!!

We have been having a great summer ... well, by my standards we are.  Last summer was spent recuperating from my "Stroke of Luck" and while the kids had more to do than should be humanly possible, I didn't spend much time with them.  Between the beachdays, play-dates, sleepovers, water park festivals, etc. they were spoiled while I went to physical therapy, regulated my medicines and tried to get back to my normal self.  Anyone who has tried to speed-heal through something knows that is a bit of a joke!

ANYWAY, this summer has been very different from last - and I have been around to enjoy it!  So, I will try to put together a little picture montage of the last few weeks...

   LAST DAY OF SCHOOL ... they were really mad at me, but for the life of me I cannot remember why!!

THEN the 4th of July arrived ... community bike parade and festivities GALORE!  Fireworks from the floor of my daughter's bathroom (yes, all 5 of us were huddled in her bathroom to watch the fireworks from the direction of the ocean)

No, it is not beer pong ... just more 4th games.

AND THEN....

THE BIG 10th BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION ... new bike, new camera and a scavenger hunt around the neighborhood - lots of fun and many traditions maintained!!

MORE 10th BIRTHDAY!!  I would show you more pictures of the great time had by all, but that would involve pictures of kids other than my own, and I am not sure I want to step over that line!!

BUT ... have to talk about the frozen pineapple flowers that I made as a pre-lunch snack ... HOW MARTHA AM I????  I did my daughter proud - I think she was even a little surprised that I pulled it off!! 

Once we survived the birthday and the party, it was time for beachboy to go to lacrosse camp ... and then dad and mom went to the Naval Academy to watch him play some games.  It was AWESOME, he had such a great time - and I actually think he learned a thing or two!!  While playing 8 to 10 hours a day of lacrosse does not necessarily make me a happy camper, it is the next closest thing to heaven for this 11 year old defenseman!  He was exhausted, banged and bruised and was shocked that "my feet actually grew in the middle of the week" when he explained why his feet were hurting so badly!  He didn't realize that cleats were not meant to be worn for 12 hours a day!!  What an awesome experience for him - and while we certainly missed him, it was well worth it!!

 

Throw in a TON of Swimming  

 

some VBS 

GIRLS LAX DAY CAMP 

and Reading to the DOGS    ...

 

We have been busy, busy, busy!!  Life is good right now - and I am grateful everyday for what I do have.  That doesn't mean all is perfect all the time, but it is certainly good!!  Hope you are having a great summer, too!!

what can I say???

       HE'S A DORK!!!

so, I have not fallen off the face of the earth ...

... but it certainly feels like it!  The old blog had some dustbunnies and cobwebs (hmmm, my house looks like that too, I think I detect a theme!!) when  I returned.  Neglect is not a pretty thing, but the last couple of weeks I have been focusing on birthdays (upcoming 10 year old beachgirl birthday, wow!!), holidays and getting everyone to three different camps within a 30 minute timeframe.  I need a vacation!!!!

All is as ok as it can be, my procrastination "issue" has cropped up again with regards to some house stuff and even worse, with finances!!  I don't know about you, but when I don't have enough money in the bank account to pay ALL the bills, it is really tough finding the time to pay ANY of the bills.  Not a very good system and  I certainly don't recommend it because, guess what, the bills won't go away ... AND there will be even less money in the bank account!!  I think I need therapy.

Swim season is going beautifully - the kids had a huge meet last night and beachgirl had the best meet of her entire little swimming career!  Beachboy had (yawn, hum) another great meet - I think he might be "athlete of the week" in next week's paper - his technique looks fabulous, he makes it all look so effortless (yes, I am a little jealous of my own son!!)  The most exciting part of the evening ... beachdude (the 6 year old) swam in his first swim meet last night!!!  SOOOOO exciting for him and for us - he has been such a good sport over the last couple of years going to all of the meets and cheering on his brother and sister ... and now he is part of the action!!  He did very well, and probably won a couple of events, but it was so much fun watching him!!

Enough gushing for now ... going to enjoy an 85 degree day!!

thanks Mr. Tick ... we are headed to the doc tomorrow!

So, I am sure it is not a big deal at all, well at least I really don't think that it is a big deal ... ok, it better not be a big deal because I will be really really mad.  If you remember from the really icky picture of the tick earlier in the week, the missy over there had a tick embedded in her head about a week and a half ago.  We got it out, but I have been watching the spot fairly closely since it happened.  There has been no red or hot spot around the spot where the tick was, but it also hasn't gone back to normal yet.  It keeps scabbing over (the chlorine in the pool keeps softening the scab so it comes off) and just hasn't gone away yet.  Tonight, after wearing a headband for a majority of the day, she asked me to look at it because it was bugging her.  Still not red, but now there is a LUMP ... A LUMP I TELL YOU ... where at one time there was a tick!!!  I am not a happy camper and we will be heading to the doctor first thing in the morning just to make sure all is OK.  Wish us luck!!

weigh in wednesday

I am now higher than where I started ... enough said.

ok, I am tired of my email provider...

I have wasted an ENTIRE DAY trying to have an argument with one of my clients while having an email account that is working sporadically at best!!  Yes, calling this woman would be my best bet, but at this moment I simply cannot call her because if I start screaming at her stupidity and lack of respect ... I might not stop and that would really freak out the kids!!

I am tired of people who assume they can do my job better than I can when they have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what it is I do.  "Just hire someone to take care of it" ... yeah, I would love to do just that ... but the BUDGET doesn't allow me to do that!  I am a property manager for a very small property that has extremely ridiculous insurance rates because we are so close to the beach, so my owners pay a lot of money annually, but they only get limited services because 3/4 of their payments go toward the insurance payment.  Husbands usually come to our meetings so they "get it" ... it is their wives who don't come to the meetings and think they have all of the answers and don't understand why I don't just adopt their solutions because they are so smart and they KNOW all the answers.

AND THEN ... they tell me that I obviously don't have a "passion" for running this property because I actually have the nerve to tell them "NO" to some ridiculous request.  OHHHHHH, I am not a happy camper right now.

OK, vent over...

my song for this beautiful day

Pool day, pool day ... dear old cold and freezing pool day!

I am completely avoiding the scale this morning, I am scared, I have no good excuses for this past week ... after such a great start with my challenge I have completely failed.  I love eating and I love my family that loves eating.  So, I will get on the scale a bit later in the day!

ewwwwwww

our daughter came to me this afternoon and asked me to look at the "bump" on her head.  YUP, it was a TICK - OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!!!!!  I don't like ticks, I don't do ticks, I have not had to get a tick off of my kids in 11 years ... and no, I did not handle it well.

AND, I think I scared the poor child half to death!  I was working on removing it when I felt her getting hotter and hotter, she started to get limp and POOF, she passed out!  Not once, but TWICE ... and the second time I had a really hard time getting her to come around!  Now then, after having a baby who had seizures and then went unconscious, I actually handled the passing out fairly well until I couldn't get her to rouse.  Sure enough, she finally came around ... fortunately before I called 911 ... but MAN, she was green and white and limp and scared the be-jeezus out of me.

AND, I STILL HAD TO GET THAT DRATTED TICK OUT OF HER HEAD!!  It hadn't started getting blood yet, but it was really embedded!  I ended up putting a drop of dishsoap on it and it backed right back out ...

and I burned it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fabulous weekend!!

When Hubbie and I were married, I had a 2 year old niece and an infant niece who belonged to the brother and sister-in-law who have become my absolute favorite people in the whole wide world.  I would even consider moving to NJ just so that we could live closer to them.  We all have just SOOOO much fun together, we laugh, we drink, we eat and we just sit and chat for hours and hours on end. 

That 2 year old niece GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL last week and we spent the weekend celebrating with her, her friends and some of the family.  We had such a great time - loved catching up with everyone, but mostly just had a great great weekend.  My sister-in-law and I actually had tears in our eyes when we left because it is just that hard to say goodbye!  She really touched my heart when she looked at me and said "you are the sister I never had, thank you for being part of my family"!!  The feeling is absolutely mutual ... I just thought I was the only one who felt that way!

CONGRATS to my niece - I am so proud of you and the amazing woman you are becoming.  I envy you the journey you are about to have, remember to always hold fun in one hand and love in the other.

weigh in wednesday

 

no floating balloons today ... so sorry to my team-mates.  After my 3 pound loss last week...  

I am UP ONE today.  Bummer, bummer, bummer.

But, I won't beat myself up ... I won't moan and complain ... I will just keep at my improved habits and GET OUT OF THE HOUSE MORE!!!  I have been home by myself all week and really focusing on house-cleaning.  Scrubbing walls and baseboards and the really intense stuff!  Everytime my mind starts wandering and I start looking for a break, the easiest place to "escape" is to the pantry searching for something to eat.  Am I really hungry, nope, just bored, and eating allows me to stop cleaning for a while, pick up a magazine and stop for a few minutes.  I just realized this yesterday ... so I should be ok for the rest of the week.

The other problem ... since the kids are away, we are going to our favorite restaurants for our favorite meals ... and guess what, I don't love low-calorie, low fat food just because it is good for me.  Fortunately we are good friends with most of the chefs, so it is easy for me to ask them to downsize my portions ... and that has been a huge step in the right direction, BUT the decadant desserts don't help.

All in all, I guess I should be happy I only gained 1 and not 15 ... but I do feel bad about letting down my teammates.  Sorry guys, I will try to post a balloon next week!  How did you do this week - any suggestions for a carb-lovin, food-obsessed Mom???

Monday monday

This might be one of my favorite weeks of the year!  School ended on Friday, the weekend was spent HAVING FUN ... no homework, housework, worries about school this week!  We spent ALL DAY (well 10 - 6 all day) at the local water park on Saturday in spite of so-so weather, made fabulous ribs for dinner last night - LOW & SLOW was my hubbie's motto all afternoon, a few episodes of Food Network's Food Challange with the kids and everyone tucked in snug as bugs by 9:30.  Comfy, cozy ... just perfect.

AND TODAY?????  All three kids just left me here all by myself while they went on vacation with my parents and I won't see them until FRIDAY!!!  I am the happiest of happy campers right now.  While I will miss them, I have a laundry list of awesome stuff that I am going to do by myself every afternoon.  Why only the afternoons?  Because I am going to house clean every morning.

House clean????  Yup, and I am really looking forward to it ... see I haven't been able to scrub walls, pull furniture to the center of the rooms, vacuum EVERYTHING, and toss clutter since before last June and it is just killing me!!  I am not a clean-freak by any stretch of the imagination, but we have way way way too much clutter that has accumulated over the last year and there is simply no room for anything else.  So, with no kids here to try and hoard stuff, I am cleaning, making everything smell fresh as daisies and turning my radios up really really loud.

Now, if you want to come and join me, help yourselves ... there will be some dancing going on!!

Summer is finally here!!!

 

 

 

 

 

This was the first day of school ...

 

 

TODAY IS THE LAST!!!!! 

 

Congratulations to my three little scholars ... can't wait for a fabulous summer!!

STROKE OF LUCK DAY ... one year down

Yesterday was a weird one ... emotionally, spiritually, physically.  I had no idea what to expect, I didn't know how it was going to go - would it be a happy day, a sad day?!?

First of all, we named June 10th "Stroke of Luck Day" ... the kids didn't like the name S-day, so we spent breakfast putting our brains together and figuring out a name for the day.  So, as the 6 year old says "we can tell OUR kids that we are celebrating because Mommy was LUCKY on June 10th 2008 to have a stroke". 

I had all kinds of plans to celebrate yesterday, but hubbie ended up having to go to a conference and left the house at 5:30, the kids had a full day of school and swim practice and I ended up going to a funeral of a lovely mother of 2 who died of complications from Cystic Fibrosis.  I really struggled with the idea of going to the funeral, I just didn't know that emotionally I could handle it, but in the end, I couldn't NOT go ... and I am so glad that I did.

Sitting at her service, with more than 500 people in the church, I received such a vivid reminder that God could have taken me last year and my family would have spent the day remembering that June 10th was the day that Mom had a stroke and now she is gone.  I really needed that reminder, especially right now.  I have stopped being grateful lately, and have been harboring a lot of resentment about the little things that I have not yet overcome.  More importantly I have not overcome them not because of illness, but because I am still using having a stroke as an excuse.  I have become a bit of a hermit, I won't take on any projects because I am scared of becoming overwhelmed and stressed.  I am not working out anymore, I am finally getting back to walking on a daily basis ... but I really want to do more, be more, be a better example for the kids.

I am not positive how to make the changes that I want to make, but the first place to start is to get outside of my own head.  As my husband says to the kids ... IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT ME!!!  I kind of stopped focusing on others and helping others in the last year while I healed, but I finally know focusing on myself is not helping my outlook nor is it making me the person I want to be.

SO, all that said, Happy Lucky Stroke Day to me ... and it looks like the First Anniversary might just be the luckiest day of all. 

Kelly, we will all miss you and we will all be there for the kids ... you can count on us!!!

weigh in wednesday ...

  

3 POUNDS LIGHTER!!

 

WOOHOO, I am down this week!!!  Happy happy me.  On good news days like this, I am happy to report first thing in the morning.  I haven't managed to massively change my life, like I wanted to ... but the small changes through the week certainly helped!  I drank a little more water, spent more time walking in the mornings, made it to the gym, and cut back on portion sizes even if I didn't cut out all of the fun party foods.  Point is, I still have new options to try next week and will hopefully post another loss.

in 51 minutes ...

it will have been one year since I was a healthy 38 year old who had a brain stem stroke!  Of course, the aniversary should mean absolutely nothing ... it is certainly not going to happen again on the same day, but all of us (the kids included) are feeling a little wierd about getting through tomorrow without anything bad happening.

I went out for a few drinks with some great friends tonight and just "because" we started with a shot to celebrate life and living through some pretty traumatic events over the last year.  Without my friends, I don't know that the year would have gone as smoothly - and I just wanted to remind them that my gratitude is boundless ... and is there a better way to do that than with a shot????

So ... happy S-day to me tomorrow ... not sure how I will be celebrating, but I do know that I will be celebrating that I have survived a stroke and even better ... survived it with absolutely no side effects.  I think someone was looking out for me!!!

wierd

WOW, toes are wierd.  I have a post about pedicures, but in the process I wanted to take a picture of my poor broken toenail (TOTALLY SUX, I rarely have my toes painted and after 2 days I kicked something ... still don't know what ... and snapped the corner of my toenail) so that I could whine and complain that now I don't have 10 decent toes thus I can't use my favorite color.

IN THE PROCESS, I realized that my feet are not pretty!!  I have always had big feet - after all, I am 5'12" tall.  I never was able to buy the cute shoes that were on display - by the time we made it up to a beautiful size 11, there was no question that I was wearing lifeboats on my feet.  But this is beyond big, they are lumpy, scaly and my toes all have very funny shapes.  This is, by the way, one of 35 pictures - you should see the really bad ones!  At least they hold me up!

water water everywhere!

 

so proud of me, I managed a 4 mile walk (probably a little slower than usual since I didn't have my cruel and evil friend with me...) but 4 miles none the less and while I didn't drink as much water as "they" recommend, I did split my Diet Coke addiction with water.  So, good job!

We received some sad news about the wife of a friend of mine from high school who died on Sunday of CF.  With two young children in the mix, I just cried for our dear friend who now has an entirely different life ahead of him.  Even knowing that she was not going to live to see the kids grown up had to put an unusual twist on life, but now he actually has to live that out ... makes me cry just sitting here.  I love that while the service will be in the church, the gathering afterwards will be at a community pool "bring a covered dish and your bathing suit" were the instructions - I think that is a wonderful way for the kids to remember Mom and such a tribute to a great woman.  Kind of puts life in perspective, doesn't it?

OK, a few apologies ...

Not only am I doing a lousy job of negotiating the weight loss world, now I am doing a HORRID job of getting in touch with my teammates ... AND, I still haven't figured out how to make my "team silver" tag work.   SO, I am working on my 'hellos' and it sounds like

Sarah

Summer

Kristina

Nicole G.

Amy H.


are the awesome group of chicks (yes, it appears they are ALL younger and smaller than I) who I will be hanging out with for the next 7 weeks.  I know I am missing some web sites, and will work on getting those updated.

OK, on to the important stuff, I limited but did not cut out the eating over the weekend.  OF course, we ended the weekend with an impromptu Chinese Feast - can anyone say "WATER WEIGHT"???  I woke up this morning and my ankles and toes were huge!!  I manged to eak out my walk, although my friend couldn't join me, so I am sure I slacked a bit.

Today is paperwok day, so hopefully I will have some opportunity to get out of my chair a little later on...a whole day at my desk is never a good solution for me!!

OK, time for a little freak-out!

OMG, the kids are done school NEXT week!!! This is not good news for me and I am having a few little mini-panic attacks about it!

• I have not planned


• I am not done all of my winter work


• My paperwork is not caught up


• The d&$% school keeps calling me to substitute and I have a hard time turning down the cash-ola (pathatic as it may be, it is still cash)


• What is our schedule going to be?!?!?!!


• My desk is overflowing (AGAIN) with paperwork that needs to be finished...


• maybe this will be the summer we will just go with the flow and enjoy each other ...

Yeah, RIGHT!!!

and now, there is an ANT on my computer screen ... I HATE ANTS!!!

woo-hoo

Got our team assignment, can't wait to get to know 'my girls' and in 7 weeks I just pray and will work hard to get a good start on my overall weight loss!! Since I am so inspired, signed up for 3 evening classes at the Y which go on at the same time the kids are swimming. Gonna do it this time, gonna do it!!!

i'm so excited ...

href="http://www.shrinkingjeans.net" target="_blank">

I am hearing from my "team members" for the upcoming team challange at the Sisterhood!  This is going to be a really fun couple of weeks ~ I just hope I don't disappoint my teammates!

oops, I've done it again ...

I've moved back to www.beachmom.net to continue the turning 40 saga ... PLEASE follow me there
L

i'm back home ...

Hi everyone, I have finally returned to my beachmom.net home ... with a little sideline of  'questioning 40' ... things really haven't really changed very much ... more of me 'yammering' away, but I am happy to be back home again.

back on the wagon ...

as much as I don't want this to be come a weight-loss blog, it will be so periodically. Actually, let's not call it a weight loss as much as a "get healthy" blog. So, as with all new (and recurring new) things, there must be a starting point ... and here we are again at yet another starting point. Back on my daily grind of watching what I eat and moving everyday. Today, hurray, I walked to school for our son's field day ... and walked home (actually turned down two rides)!!! It is a good start...

happy monday

beautiful weekend #2 - GO SUMMER!!! After such a "happening" memorial day weekend, this one was much more low-key but still a wonderful one! Last week was just jam-packed with school activities and after-school stuff, and I got way behind on my work here at home. SO, I let hubbie know Friday night that I was going to be chained to my desk on Saturday trying to cross off some of my to-do list! AND it worked, I got a ton of work done in 8 hours and hubbie and the kids kept the laundry moving, installed a screen door, scrubbed the porches and just all around kept themselves busy.

The one major bummer of the weekend, was my "negative nellie" attitude before we went to friend's houses for dinner Saturday when I realized that the kitchen floor didn't get vacuumed and the sink was overloaded with dishes (to be fair, that was because the first load from the night before had been emptied and then hubbie did a load of pots and they hadn't cooled yet) from lunch. INSTEAD of being grateful for all that had gotten done during the day, I pitched a fit that "obviously I am the only one who takes my responsibilties seriously!" HOW AWFUL AM I?!?!! You can imagine the car ride to our friend's house ... but a few margarita's took care of the strife and all is happy again.

There are days I am really an awful person ... but thank goodness he still loves me!!

thinking ...

there are days that I love being a Mom and there are other days that I don't love it quite as much. After a rough couple of days around here, I have come to the realization that when things are not going smoothly I can usually trace the problem to my own 'distraction'. As long as I am focusing on the kids 24/7 and don't let anything else get in the way, smooth sailing. The stresses of everyday life, PTO drama, phone calls, bills, side-projects ... even making a complicated dinner with kids at home can cause major drama in our home.

I don't think I have the skill set to majorly multi-task. I can be a mom OR design a program for a client OR spring clean the house OR send out invoices OR deal with a PTO issue ... you get the point. I know admitting you have a problem is the first step ... but I am honestly not certain how to solve this issue. The various aspects of my life seem to blend together - and they will do so even more when school is over in two weeks. I want the summer to be a great one with lots of cooperation and peace here in the house. Yet ANOTHER project to work on!!

Have a sunny day

i might be losing it ...

OK, this 40 thing might not be going so smoothly after all. I was downstairs making dinner and had a bit of a 'panic attack' about getting ready for Easter. HELLO, EASTER???? Easter was two months ago ... how can I be standing at the sink and suddenly panic about a holiday that is long gone ... and we had another major holiday or two since then!! Might be losing it...

SPRING SPORTS ARE OVER!!!

and this is how I spent the last weekend ... no early morning drives over hill and dale to obscure lacrosse fields with peanut butter sandwiches and gatorade for lunch. I am sad that the lacrosse season is over ... there is nothing I love better than watching the kids on the field ... but I like the freedom of this one week after field sports are over and before swimming starts up again for the summer!!!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

everything I want to post about today is TOTALLY inappropriate for such a lovely holiday. My husband was an absolute dream this weekend - giving me time off from being "the nagging mom" and took over that very nasty task ... he also got me a lovely gift from "Coach" ... the kids on the other hand failed miserably!!! Love them dearly, but they have taken a perfectly wonderful holiday and made me question the last 11 years of parenting.
Tomorrow will be better, I am certain of it!

procrastination

If a genie were to grant me three wishes, my SECOND wish would be ... take away all of my procrastinating tendencies!!!!!!! I am the WORST PROCRASTINATOR EVER ... and the computer just makes my tendencies even more prounounced. I have been putting off doing a major household project for more than three weeks now, and I am shocked at just how well I can put off doing it. Each and every month, my bill-paying schedule gets later and later ... again, simply because of procrastination. I hate, hate, hate trying to deal with uncomfortable situations, and at the moment paying bills and not having any money left over afterwards is just way too uncomfortable ... so I am avoiding it at all possible costs.

How do you overcome procrastination ... oh, and while we are at it ... how about tips on stopping fingernail biting? Yeah, I am a little immature!!

40's coming ...

a brief update on the weight debacle ...

I am averaging walking 3 days a week (yes, I want it to be 5 ... but at least it is not 0)
my meal portion is reduced
I threw margarine out of the house and now use Smart (something)
I am working really hard at not mindlessly snacking - I have a sit-down snack between meals but try to not just finish the chip bag

I guess the best thing to say is I AM AWARE ... and while I can only claim a 4 pound loss in 2 weeks, again, thank goodness it is a loss as opposed to a gain.

That being said, I have many many issues with myself regarding will-power, taking time to plan my meals, increasing my workouts ... and on an on. But the way I see it, I am only in REAL TROUBLE when I don't know what to change to try to continue to lose.

SO, -4

oops ...

Molly and I obviously touched something we shouldn't have when we were in Washington on Wednesday ... the FLU (no, not the pig flying one, just the painful wishing I could die version) struck on Friday night and I finally got out of bed on Sunday and am actually feeling kind of normal today. Poor Molly suffered all weekend as well and went back to school yesterday but came home and slept for hours.

Fever, aches, pains, sore throat & ears and an awful headache when the fever was up. Having suffered from migraines for so many years, I swear my body is conditioned to upchuck when I have a bad headache - which made keeping painkillers down kind of tough. It was a bit of a catch-22 for a while.

But, on the up-side, we watched some great movies (thank goodness for on-demand), I watched waaaayyyy too much 90210 on Soap Network and basically watched my wonderful family take care of us. Love to all of them!!!

the nation's capital

We had an inservice day on Wednesday. Now, usually I am the boring Mom who doesn't plan much beyond a trip to the local playground and maybe, if the kids are really good, a trip to the local McDonalds on mid-week days off. After a couple of really good weeks, great report cards, and a huge stack of paperwork on my desk that REALLY NEEDS to get done - I decided to treat everyone to a day away from the house. Until the minute we left home, the kids thought I was joking about going away for the day - "Mom, you are just teasing us, that is not nice!!"

We got up at 5am, packed sandwiches, Gatorade and krimpets, hopped in the car and drove 2.25 hours to the closest Washington DC metro stop, hopped on the metro (don't I sound cosmopolitan) and rode 30 minutes to the Smithsonian stop and spent a WONDERFUL day in the Nation's Capital.

First stop on our tour - the American History Museum where it was the kid's job to find the red ruby slippers - since they are on the top floor, it took us 3 hours of learning, reading, exploring and laughing until we finally found them. A quick stop at the gift shop for a harmonica and our "pet tornado, Chaos" and we were on to our next stop. I love this museum, and the renovation is just amazing!! The new flag exhibit brought tears to my eyes and we all "stood" on Route 66 and sang the entire song - everyone thought we were NUTS!

Next stop - walk to the White House so our 6 year old could see the outside. We stood like fools for about 45 minutes because, I swear, it looked like a presidential motorcade was about to leave any minute .. . but it never did.

On to the Natural History Museum. It was about 2:30, and honestly, everyone was getting a little tired ... plus we had just done this museum last year - so we hit the highlights - the new ocean exhibit (WOW), the mammal room - love love love the giraffes and the dinosaurs. Brief detour downstairs for a hit of ice cream and we we off to our final stop of the day.

The New Visitor's Center at the US Capitol. I didn't really think we would make it to our last stop of the day, so I didn't research it properly, and we only had 25 minutes before they closed. But, it is beautiful and so worth it to go back again!! What an amazing (but brief) history lesson for the kids and we had so much fun going back over all of their civics lessons and teaching Thomas all about the three branches of government.

Hopped back on the metro, back in the car by 6 and home by 8:30. It was a truly awesome day!! Pictures to come soon!

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood ...

Feeling really really good today, got everyone out the door with no arguments raised voices or eye rolls! SUCCESS...put on my sneakers ready to go for my walk - and ran back inside because I had forgotten about the honor roll assembly this morning! It must be a beautiful day for me to completely forget about something so important!!

CONGRATULATIONS to my two oldest children who made the 'A' Honor roll again this marking period. Our fourth grader made it by the skin of her teeth, but then again, there were only 3 in her class of 26 who actually made it - it was a tough marking period for all of them. The 5th grader made it with flying colors, but I am still awfully proud of him because it means he managed to stay focused for the whole 9 weeks - which is an achievement in and of itself.

I am loving my kids today - there are just some days my awe of them is overwhelming ... and fortunately today is one of them!! Honestly, getting out the door this morning with everyone laughing and having a great time has more to do with my awe than their grades ... that is just the icing on the cake!

great day!

Finally, after two weeks of thinking about it (and that is after months and months of reading about it) ... I have finally put together my wl plan (56 weeks to get to my goal ... but only 16 to get to my pre-stroke weight) ... AND I finally walked with my good friend today. First official walk-walk since June 11th (the disastrous day!!!). Everything from my chest down hurts, but I keep telling myself that it is a good hurt and will only get better as I keep moving. I will try to limit the weight loss posts, but I am sure you will quickly tire of them!!

the redhead is mine!!

and now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

spring break is over. I know there will come a day when I am relieved that the kids will be back in college after a REAL spring break having survived safe and sound, but right now, I am a little sad that they are back to their regular schedule and I am back to being the bus driver. A great break was had by everyone ... the kids spent three days in Williamsburg with my parents (I know, lucky me!!!) and I spent a day at a play, one with my hubbie and one getting ready for a fundraising gala on Saturday night.

Saturday was lacrosse day ... and the day was ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!!! Sunny and in the 70's - I FRIED my face and the "v" of my t-shirt, but what a great day!! Unfortunately Jack's undefeated team lost - to a group of kids who have obviously never been taught the phrase "win with humility". The winning team spent the entire 2nd game (the younger kids were playing) taunting our guys - Jack included. To their credit, our guys stayed out of the verbal war ... we are just waiting for our next match with them! To further the poor-sportsmanship of the day, our daughter's game was plagued with opposing coaches who spent 2 LONG games screaming at the ref until one particularly nasty coach was thrown off the field. I am a competitive person by nature, but come on parents, we aren't even keeping score at this level - CHILL!!

Needless to say, life is back to normal - school, sports, homework. My weight loss journey needs a serious re-invigoration (I don't even think that is a word) ... I love eating, and am controlling it, but obviously not enough.

Toodles.

in memory

after my complaining about the rain and cold ... I learned about a tragic accident that took the lives of two 9 year old girls and one girl's grandmother that happened yesterday. Of course it is rainy and cold today as three families have to find a way to say goodbye to such darling creatures. My head is spinning as I even try to contemplate what those families are going through. My own daughter is spending the night at my best friend's house ... but you can bet, as soon as she comes home she will experience all the love this mother has to give.

God Bless Hannah & Madison, you are loved, you are missed and you will be at the forefront of our hearts for eternity.

rain rain go away ...

yes, I know how much we need the rain, but with a house full of kids, no heat on the lower two levels (quite the statement after the $1600 bill for them to fix the system yesterday and THEN tell me that we need to wait for warm weather so we can run the AC for a month before we can get the heat to work properly ...)

I WANT SUN!!!

Happy Easter Monday

Yesterday was certainly a joyous one! We made it to 8am services and I have never felt so sorry for those in charge! Everything that could go wrong at the 2nd most crowded service of the year, DID!! Jack was acolyte and thank goodness he wore his blazer to church because his robe was TOTALLY missing! He looks so handsome and grown up in his blazer, I doubt anyone even noticed that he wasn't wearing his robe. Then, the computer that scrolls all of the words of our hymns completely went wacky ... and no one could figure out the words after the first verse. The offering plates were completely missing, and finally the oil in the alter candles was not checked, so when Jack went back to extinguish the light and carry it out into the world, he had to do a great job of "faking it". (proud, proud mama)

All that went wrong, however, was made up for by probably the greatest Easter Sermon I have ever heard! God is good ... and he is with us. The sermon was about Mary's sorrow at the tomb when Jesus was gone ... and how so many of us "remain at the grave" when those we love pass on. If we tie the resurrection to returning to heaven, then we need to be happy (while mourning a loss) that our love ones are now with God and Jesus. I am not doing it justice at all here - but it was an amazing sermon. Even the kids were mezmerized ... and we spent a lot of time for the rest of the day talking about Jesus dying for our sins, our responsibilities as Christians, being thankful and how much we miss Chris' mom, my grandfather, and my grandmother.

Happy Easter, may you feel blessed today.

SPRING BREAK ...

is here!!! Yesterday I subbed at the kid's school and felt the same envy that I felt when I was in college. EVERYONE ELSE IS GOING AWAY ... I am just going to be at home doing nothing! When I was growing up, my family was fortunate to live in a resort community, but we also owned and ran a family motel. That meant that all breaks - spring, summer, Columbus Day (not christmas or new years because it is a COOOLLLDDD beach in the winter) I spent working at the family business - that is after all how I got through college debt free!

Anyway, I was always so jealous of all of my friends who were going to fabulous places - Florida, Texas, CA ... the islands ... this year one of my good friends is going to Hawaii for 10 days with their three kids and yes, the green eyed monster is rearing its ugly head ... I WANT TO GO TOO! But, for a wide variety of reasons - namely - there is NO EXTRA cash right now, we will be hanging around home for break. The kids are truly lucky to have such wonderful grandparents as they are taking them on a little fun-filled trip Wednesday through Friday!! (I wasn't even invited!!!)

All that being said, we had a wonderful day today dying and decorating Easter Eggs, walking down to the beach (still a bit chilly and blustery), watching a movie and just being together as a mom and her kids. I even got a bit of work done while they took care of dusting and vacuuming so that we could watch our movie sooner ... sometimes they are true gems!

Happy Holidays!

why "questioning"

my husband saw the title of my new blog and asked me why I used the phrase "questioning".

"God willing, you are going to turn 40 ... so what is the point in questioning it"
"Because I couldn't think of another phrase" was my oh-so-pithy answer. But it has been bugging me - I mean, he is right: 40 is coming whether I like it or not, and I am not going to spend too much time whining about getting older ... so why "questioning"?

After a half nights sleep (I don't count moving to the sofa at 3am a full nights sleep) - I think I have my answer - I am questioning who I am going to be at 40 and beyond. Will I be the same, will I be different ... is 40 like a huge New Year's Eve where I make a whole bunch of resolutions to change the person I am right now? Or do I just build on who I am now.

Frankly, deep deep down - when I get past my financial concerns and I get past my weight issues, I LOVE MY LIFE ... I just want to "live it more" or maybe I want to "live it more deliberately". I don't even really know how I want to do that, but I want to challenge all of the things that I don't like - I want to be more active, I want my kids to think I am a "young mom" instead of the matronly mother I think they believe I am now. I want to be able to run on the beach at sunrise without getting overly winded and simply appreciate the beauty that "is". I want my husband to really think I am sexy again (yes, he says he does, but I guess I want to feel it again) ... I want to feel confidence in ALL of the decisions I make about the kids - not just in a few of them. I don't want life to just keep happening to me ... I want to happen to life.

I don't even know whether all of these goals are attainable, or even if I really want all of the ramifications of them ... I just want to finally be the best me I can be - and I have quite a bit of work before I can get there!!

my birthday present to myself ...

ultimately I will lose all of the weight (and then some) that I have gained since being an adult took over my daily existence. for right now, I will, in time for my birthday - JULY 30th - simply lose the sucky weight that went on after I had the stroke in June (approximately 30 pounds). we will keep track of this, report on this, and generally discuss the miraculous weight loss here - sounds fun, doesn't it?!?!

oh, and I almost forgot ...

I am turning 40 in 4-ish months ... not super happy about it!! but I will be by the time that awesomest of birthdays gets here!!

it's coming ...

faster and faster every single day! I am struggling with it ... but I can't stop it! I need a sense of humor ... some serious self-indulgence ... and some laughs to get me through it.

After 3 years of keeping a family/mommy blog ... I have decided to spend the next few months dealing with the fact that my "dreaded 40th birthday" is quickly approaching. I am really not sure HOW I feel about it, I just know there are some things I would like to "resolve" before it gets here. Thought this would be a fun place to chat about my journey!

Science Fair Hell

[caption id="attachment_89" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="still need to find non trademarked bottles!"][/caption]

Welcome to Science Fair Central where our 5th grader decided to do "something" with source water and I just became the computer junkie to help put together the board.  OMG,  I think hubbie and my graphic background has gotten all of us in trouble here...but everyone has learned a lot and when the judging commences, I will definitely be shooting laser eye-darts if they don't award him anything ... of course it might be the " I had WAAAAYYYYY too much help on this presentation from my parents" award!!

I'm out

I love blogs, bloggers and the idea of having a blog ... unfortunately, what I love and the reality of keeping a blog are two entirely different things!  SO, my blog is being retired ... I will keep my domain and probably use it to keep family and friends across the country updated with what is going on with the kids ... but in order to do that, I can't freely babble about me and my life!

I will continue to visit all of you and leave comments, but as for keeping my own blog, I am saying goodbye after three sporadic years!

Friday Night

Friday night was just one of those PERFECT NIGHTS that I don't ever want to forget.  Dad had a meeting that we knew would last well into the evening, so we knew we didn't have him to play with (and trust me, he is the "fun one" in the family!)

I picked the kids up from school, and they had some extra chores to take care of because they didn't make their beds nor pick up their rooms before they left for school.  Instead of telling them, I just handed them a note when they got in the car and told them I wouldn't listen to any grumbling, they just needed to go home and take care of their chores.

Doesn't sound like a great start, does it?

They finished their chores within a half hour and I took a break and took a shower.  Both older kids needed new swim goggles, but since they both lost theirs, they had to use their Christmas money to buy new ones ... but they really wanted to go get them.  SO, we got in the car and headed out to a couple of stores to get the goggles, caps, beachgirl picked out a new suit ... and beachtoddler insisted to using some of his money at the Disney Store.

We got back in the car and discussed where we would get our Friday Night Pizza.  The older kids asked if we could please go to Applebee's for dinner and they would like to "treat" mom to a night out.  WE DID, and it was so much fun.  The three of them and I sat in a booth for 2 hours just eating, laughing, talking & having a wonderful time.  A gentleman at the next table stopped and commended "me" for such a wonderful family and said he was sure Daddy was sorry he was missing out on this great dinner out.

Everyone behaved, was civil with one another, had lively topics to discuss...I think the neatest part was that the older two were under the assumption they were paying for dinner so they were very careful with what they ordered, BUT, it was a full 4 course meal with appetizers to share, salads, entrees from the adult menu & dessert.  I have not eaten that much food out in a long long time, but boy did they feel like they were kings!

(No, I didn't make them pay, but I would have if they fought through the evening!!)